As I've mentioned before my knowledge of sport is somewhat lacking but I do try to keep an eye on things namely Jose Mourinho. Anyway I find football difficult enough without the devil getting involved. I know, I can hardly believe it myself but for some reason Satan has taken against Hearts!
The ruler of Hearts, a Mr Romanov reckons that 'journalists, jealous hangers on or other wunderkinds' are being driven by the devil to 'ruin all that is good about the game', apparently by criticising Hearts.
If I were Mr Romanov I'd be extremely annoyed at the devil poking his nose in. It's hardly sporting after all, but Mr Romanov appears to be taking it in his stride. There will be no exorcism taking place at Tynecastle, instead the supremely calm Mr Romanov intends to 'step aside and bid them [the journalists, jealous hangers on and other wunderkinds]farewell on their road to hell'. Well done Sir! Lesser men would have crumbled in the face of an orchestrated Satanic vendetta.
As I've said before I'm a sporting fool, so I'm slightly puzzled at Satan's sudden interest in Scottish football and I'm struggling to find a plausible reason for it. I don't wish to come over all Presbyterian on you but I can't help but notice that Hearts are due to play Celtic next Sunday- the Sabbath! I further note that there was a power failure at Parkhead last night delaying Celtic's game against Livingston by 50 whole minutes. Coincidence or has Scottish football made God very angry indeed? First there was dancing on a Sunday, then football and now Satan has started fucking about with the SPL. I intend to spend next Sunday reading the Bible and I urge you all to do the same before we're hit by a plague of fucking locusts.