A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Had to laugh at Robert Mugabe standing up to point the finger at George 'Hitler' Bush and Tony 'Mussolini' Blair. Now, I don't like either of these men, they are, in my eyes criminals, but lets just say that it removes some of the force from your invective when it's pointed out that this psychopath thinks the same thing. For those not aware, and there can't be many, Mugabe has single handedly turned Zimbabwe into an economic basket case, he has abused democracy in Zimbabwe to his own ends and human rights really only apply to those who support him and those who stay silent.

His ranting isnt a result of some Humanistic disgust at the mess the UK/US have made of Iraq. It's about him being leant on and critiscised bythe UK/US . For a few minutes, he can, like the adoreable Mags Haney* feel morally superior to those who chastize him. The picture in the Herald of him being embraced by Hugo Chavez also did little to aid my lunchtime digestion. Chavez is the legally elected President of Venezuala, and a socialist to boot. This was eneough to gain him a death threat from Yank bamstick Pat Buchanan. To be frank, Chavez looks like a bit of a creepy crawly to me, but the simple fact is that his country elected him, then a US sponsored courtroom putsch took place before Chavez was restored to power. By the people.

Mugabe would argue that the same type of 'persecution' applies to him. It doesnt, but there are still huge question marks over the legitimacy of interfering in countries who's regimes you don't like, whether it's because they are at odds with you over oil or because they treat their general populace like animals, or because you simply don't like their politics. It is this situation that makes bedfellows of legally elected politicians and crooked old bastards who should hurry up and die so their country can leave it's rut and come out of the dark age it has been hurled into.

To be honest, I prefer to see Blair as Hugo Chavez(charismatic man of the people, a bit shady, er, socialist......?) and Bush as Mugabe(Beligerent, long past his use by date, illegally elected at least once, overseeing economic disaster area etc..............)

Ok, it's a bit of a stretch, but you know you're in trouble when Mad Bob Mugabe starts getting self righteous on yer arse.......................

*Mags Haney- Hideous old harridan who lived on the Raploch council estate in Stirling, Scotland. A criminal lowlife whos never ending brood of thugs and drug dealers terrorised the local area, yet overnight became a beacon of morality and a crusader for childrens rights when it was revealed that a number of convicted paedophiles were to be housed in the estate.

Wrestling with Diane Arbus

Germaine Greer remembers

"Clutching the camera she climbed on to the bed and straddled me, moving up until she was kneeling with a knee on both sides of my chest. She held the Rolleiflex at waist height with the lens right in my face. She bent her head to look through the viewfinder on top of the camera, and waited. In her viewfinder I must have looked like a guppy ..."

This is an odd piece of writing. I don't think Germaine was terribly flattered by the end result, but she seems to have been nursing her wrath for rather a long time.

Save us !

Be afraid, be very afraid. Paris Hilton is threatening to unleash another series of "The Simple Life" upon the world. What have we done to deserve this ? I tell you, play this show to the Iraqi insurgents and they'll capitulate quicker than Paris' clothes come off when there's a camera near.

Where are they finding these people who are willing to be on the programme ? They only exist to be laughed at by these silver-spoonfed bimbos who, combined, are less intelligent than my cat. I heard they were looking for a lesbian couple with children to impose on for this new series. I can just imagine the caring and compassionate way they would be presented. If previous episodes are anything to go by, they'll be asked impertinent questions about their sex life, probably in front of their children, within the first 10 minutes. Hopefully, nobody's been daft enough to volunteer.

What annoys me most about Paris Hilton is not her stupidity or her slapper behaviour. It's her blatant, unashamed desire for fame at any cost. She is heir to a massive fortune but this isn't enough for her. She wants everybody to know her name and doesn't care if it's only because they're laughing at her. She has no self-respect and therefore no respect for anyone else, as evidenced on the show. If I had her money, you wouldn't know I existed. I'd be off enjoying it somewhere and minding my own business.

Now you know it's only a matter of time before one of the British channels decides to do a UK version. What do you reckon, Jade Goody and Abi Titsout, sorry Titmuss ? Oh, the horror, the horror.