A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Sorry Now

That’s the trouble with catching trains in this country. ‘What is?’ you might ask, irritated by the fact I started off this entry as if I had already told you. Well the fact they’re fucking useless, is at the very least mildly irritating.

And when whichever one you’re waiting for is inevitably late (because if it was on time it would only confuse people), you get a nice women saying over the tannoy, “I’m sorry, but the 18:22 to London Paddington is delayed by seventeen minutes.” Except the nice women is a recording controlled by a computer.

In fact she always seems slightly amused by the whole situation. Maybe someone had told her a knob joke just before the recording, and much as she knew her voice would become a symbol of commuter misery, was unable to hide her amusement and indifference.

They could have recorded it again, given it one last shot at conveying a single ounce of regret. But they didn’t have enough time as she had to record her “I’m very sorry” version of the message for those trains over twenty minutes late and the “I am personally devastated” version for those cancelled at birth.

But she pays for it now. Every statement she makes is believed insincere. “I’ve heard it all before.”, they would say to her. “They’re just empty words, you don’t mean it.”

And so she sits alone, in an empty, dirty flat, with only a bottle for company, wishing that on that day in the recording studio, she’d cared just a little bit more.

Platypus, platypi, platyLIE

Has anybody ever seen a real live platypus ? Does anybody even know someone who has ? I was talking to a work colleague who is just back from Australia and we are both convinced that they don't exist. Some guy glued a duck bill onto an otter and took a picture and the Australian government has been perpetuating a hoax ever since. Look at the picture up there. It doesn't even look convincing. How come you get pandas and tigers and all sorts of endangered animals in zoos but not a single platypus ? I don't even think I've ever seen a stuffed one in a museum. I think there should be an investigation. You can't just go around making up animals. It's not right.


So, In facing the anxiety that has been plaguing me and my family I have tried lots or remedies, diet, exercise, talk therapy, books, meditation, I use them all daily and I still have been left feeling that if another fucking ridiculous trivial thing happens I'll explode in a million frustrated waves ( or particles depending on how you look at it ).

I saw the family Dr. Today and she prescribed me with Lexpro, 10mg. I have tried a SSRI before without much luck. Or I should say, I abandoned it like a rat from a flaming ship when I found out I could fuck forever on it but never, ever, come. So, it was great, if you like screwing til you get speed blisters. I finally felt good enough to make someone else feel good about screwing me and the screwing is all for naught. This blew goat balls, especially, for a guy in his early twenties. Now my wife would rather sleep than screw so what to I have to lose by trying this.

I am hopeful that one or a combination of the things I'm trying will bring to the end the feelings that there is something extremely anxiety producing about my life, something that makes me impatient, quick to anger, like there is something horribly wrong right in front of my face, but, I can't recognize it.

Since I am convinced I am not the only one who feels this and wants some relief, I'll report on my experiences, here in the collective unconscious.