A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

And you can stick your Haggis up there too.

Fuck Burns Night.
Fuck it in the ear.
Hard.

As far as I'm concerned it's just a piss poor excuse for people I hate to read me bad (non lesbian, for once) poetry, drink copious amounts of whiskey and talk in an accent I don't understand.
No one has a Sylvia Plath night, do they!
There's a REASON for that.
It's because ALL poetry is shit.

But it's ESPECIALLY shit because all the 'well known' and highly regarded British poets are male.
Because of COURSE if women write a poem they are just full of 'whimsy' and are being 'overly sensitive' or 'have too much time on their hands' and 'what-are-they-doing-out-of-the-kitchen-anyway-shouldn't-they-be-making-me-dinner-or-putting-the-kids-to-bed?'
It's like cooking. A bloke cooks and he's a fucking 'chef'. A woman does it and it's just what she's programmed to do.

Cunts.

Stick Burns Night and all your crap poetry up your stinking, misogynist, anti-English bumholes, you bunch of alcoholics.
And don't EVEN get me started on St Patrick's Day...

4 Comments:

At 9:10 pm, Blogger ill man said...

Er............Interesting. I just like Robert Burns. The haggis/whiskey/tartan trews thing does little for me. I think he transcends that stuff.

 
At 9:40 pm, Blogger matt lobster said...

Please can you get started on St Patrick's Day. When I know how shit it is, I wont feel compelled to buy a pint of Guiness and leave two thirds of it cause it tastes like Goat.

 
At 9:56 pm, Blogger ill man said...

Why do people say "They do a good pint of Guinness"?

All Guinness is the fucking same. The stuff you get at your local is exactly the same as the stuff you'll find in Ireland. Pasteurised, injected with gas and chemicals and served up to twats the world over.

And yes it tastes awful.

 
At 8:01 pm, Blogger CoconutCain said...

Well, Creepylesbo, may I suggest you do not jump the pond anytime soon.

I'm always thoroughly surprised that women here are allowed to vote. Everybody in power is an Old Square Headed White Guy who would prefer his women barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen where they belong, thankyouverymuch, and they can't POSSIBLY be trusted to care for their own plumbing, so even though it differs entirely from ours and we are scared out of our collective three brain cells by it, we must pass laws against women having any say over their own bodies.

But do you know why I don't move to another country? Because it is my right, guaranteed to me by my forefathers (next time, boys, don't wear red fucking coats in the forest) to call the President of the United States an assclown. ASSCLOWN. A-S-S-C-L-O-W-N.

Ingrates.

-K.

 

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