A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Friday, January 27, 2006

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Goat Walk Into a Bar...

President Bush's advisors were delivering their daily briefing on the status on the war in Iraq.

"Unfortunately, Sir, today there were three Brazilian soldiers killed in Iraq," they say.

The President unleashes an unusual torrent of emotion. "That's terrible," he cries out. "How can that happen? Just yesterday we were doing so good! How did this happen? Somebody, tell me how this happened!" he demanded.

His aides looked to each other nervously, unsure of this outburst and with no idea what to make of it. Suddenly, President Bush's eyebrows furrow together, and he stares at the ceiling a moment before speaking:

"Exactly how many IS a brazillion, anyway?"



At 1:01 am, Blogger Clairwil said...

At a recent international conference of surgeons, three docs find themselves bragging about the various surgical advancements in their home country. The German surgeon boasts: "In Germany, we can take half a lung out of one man, put it in another man, and in three weeks he will be looking for work!" An Italian surgeon retorts "In Italy, we can take half a heart out of one man, put it in another man, and in two weeks he will be looking for work!" The U.S. surgeon, not wanting to be outshone, reports that "In the United States we can take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House, and half the country will be looking for work!"

At 1:07 am, Blogger Clairwil said...

Bush on Education Reform

President Bush is visiting an elementary school and drops in on the 4th grade class. The class is in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word "tragedy."

So Bush asks the class for an example of a "tragedy. "One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Lil' Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying you & Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," said Lil' Johnny, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss

At 1:11 am, Blogger Clairwil said...

Right that's it I've run out of Bush jokes. Can anyone help me out?

At 8:12 pm, Blogger Paul said...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."


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