A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

How Not to get Banned from Woolworths

“I always say what I think.” she says. And so did he and her. It's the fashion. These days, apparently, everyone is saying what they think. What’s more, they’re informing us of their intention to do this before going on to unleash their promised enlightenment.

Take Channel 4’s Big Brother for example. A typical conversation between two housemates will go like this.

Twat 1: I always say what I think.

Twat 2: So do I. I always say what I think.

Twat 1: We have so much in common.

So what exactly is the point in saying what you think? And more to the point, shouldn’t we assume that people are saying what they are thinking without having to be told they’re going to first. It’s completely impractical to say something you’re not thinking anyway, and sort of a little fucking strange.

What you probably want to say to me now is. “Look you tosser, all they mean is they’re not afraid to say something to somebody that might offend them.”

Fair enough. But I think if you’re going to make a special point of announcing that you always say what you think, you do have to always do it. Always! You should be providing a continuous commentary of your every thought.

Walk up to old people and say “You’ve got dry skin and you’re going to die shortly.” Walk up to Tony Blair and say “Much as I enjoy slagging you and George Bush off after work in ‘All Bar One’ I don’t have the first clue about Politics.“ Walk into Woolworths and shout out loudly “It really is a bit shit in here really isn’t it!”

I think it would be best for everyone, if we didn’t commit ourselves into any particular pattern of saying things. It’s a lot easier all round and you wont get banned from Woolworths.


At 12:23 am, Blogger ill man said...

Ok, who got banned from Woolies recently? I aim to find out........

Theres a time and a place for saying what you think, otherwise all the people you loathe and despise would know how you felt about them and you couldn't have any fun with them anymore.

At 1:14 pm, Blogger meekon5 said...

Coming from good northern stock (despite the accent), i tend to speak first and engage brian after. I f Id known this was now treny I would have played up on it more.

At 5:12 pm, Anonymous David Duff said...

Whilst directing plays I make a point of telling my actors that speaking is always preceeded by thinking, even if the tought process is moving at high speed. I remind them that only two sets of people speak *without* thinking first, they are; loonies, which is why they talk rubbish; and actors, who have learnt their lines. Thus, the basic skill for an actor is to pretend to think the thought before delivering the line, a skill beyond the reach of most of them, I sometimes think!

At 7:47 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a very appropriate post in response to my earlier rant. I'm glad to see the content of this blog improving already.


At 1:33 pm, Blogger meekon5 said...

Having re-thought this (the luxury of mundane task of photocopying). Previously I would have agreed with your point of view, if you have nothing to say don’t bother. Unfortunately the least intelligent always seem to have the most to say. I also witnessed what I used to call my most pointless conversation (whilst working behind some bar somewhere):

Bloke 1: “Alright Mate, How you doing?”

Bloke 2: “Doing alright, money in pocket, beer in hand, doing alright! Yerself?”

Bloke 1: “Same!”

Over the last couple of years I have undergone trials and troubles too numerous to mention here (see http://meekon5.blogspot.com/2006/05/facist-mortgage-company-letter-to.html). Far from feeling distain, I find myself now envying the gentleman with the beer in his hand and the money in his pocket as I am able to muster neither on as regular a basis as I used to.

As for the ignorance is bliss factor. Again after the last few years I truly believe that if I had less intellect I would more likely just get on with my life than cause the abysmal mess that all my over thinking has created.


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