A Mischief Of Magpies

If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and a Mischief of Magpies would be as small as a pea.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

A Civil War Breaks Out.......

Fuck me, I turn my back for five minutes and find my blog has turned into an anti-Scottish version of Emerald Bile!

Let me begin by declaring an interest here I am both Scottish and a fan of Robert Burns. I'm also a bit new to defending the idea of a Burns Night so please bear with me. It would appear our esteemed friend the Creepylesbo is somewhat upset by the idea of poetry in general to say the least. Whilst I share her terror of bad lesbian poetry I do enjoy a good, well recited poem. More specifically she takes a dim view of celebrating the poetry of Robert Burns.

'As far as I'm concerned it's just a piss poor excuse for people I hate to read me bad (non lesbian, for once) poetry, drink copious amounts of whiskey and talk in an accent I don't understand.'

As a seasoned alcoholic I dispute that any excuse for a drink, however lame can be called piss poor. As for the participants being people Creepylesbo hates who talk in an accent she can't understand, it's hard to know where to start. None of us are Scottish by choice we were born that way and the accent came as part of the package. I think I speak for all of us when I offer my assurances to Creepy that we didn't affect a different accent in order to confuse her. Good God it's not like we all speak fluent cockney when her back's turned.

I'm not clear what the objection to male poets is. It's true women are often passed over when the praise for achievements in various fields is being dished out but I don't think that's a valid reason to dismiss the work of male poets. I like Sylvia Plath, I like Emily Dickinson and I also like Robert Burns. Appreciating male achievement in whatever field does not prevent one recognising female achievement, nor does it make one a misogynist.

As for the anti-English charge I'm truly baffled. Celebrating Burns Night is no more anti-English than Morris dancing or celebrating St George's Day is anti- Scottish or racist. Oh and as for crap poetry charge she's only jealous because we understand the dirty ones.

And you can stick your Haggis up there too.

Fuck Burns Night.
Fuck it in the ear.
Hard.

As far as I'm concerned it's just a piss poor excuse for people I hate to read me bad (non lesbian, for once) poetry, drink copious amounts of whiskey and talk in an accent I don't understand.
No one has a Sylvia Plath night, do they!
There's a REASON for that.
It's because ALL poetry is shit.

But it's ESPECIALLY shit because all the 'well known' and highly regarded British poets are male.
Because of COURSE if women write a poem they are just full of 'whimsy' and are being 'overly sensitive' or 'have too much time on their hands' and 'what-are-they-doing-out-of-the-kitchen-anyway-shouldn't-they-be-making-me-dinner-or-putting-the-kids-to-bed?'
It's like cooking. A bloke cooks and he's a fucking 'chef'. A woman does it and it's just what she's programmed to do.

Cunts.

Stick Burns Night and all your crap poetry up your stinking, misogynist, anti-English bumholes, you bunch of alcoholics.
And don't EVEN get me started on St Patrick's Day...