Comet are a bunch of arse
My washing machine broke down recently.
And so I decided I better get a new one.
As opposed to just letting the old one leak all over my kitchen floor.
So I did the shop around thing.
I walked to various shops.
Currys said any new washing machine would take 4 days to deliver and they couldn't give me a time of day. Or even a rough time of day like morning/afternoon.
Argos said weeks.
So Comet seemed like a god-send when they said they could deliver 2 days later AND could tell me morning or afternoon.
So I paid my £250.
And then the extra £28 for delivery and installation and taking-away of my old machine.
Except, come two days later....
Two blokes show up.
One asks to use the toilet.
Which is so wrong before he's even done anything.
Then they say they need a cupboard cleared.
Which I do.
Then they tell me that they can't install my new washing machine OR take away my old one because 'it doesn't have a separate stop cock'.
And I'm standing there thinking 'er. Yes it does.'
And I say 'Yes they do'.
But two mockneys stand in front of me and tell me that it doesn't - 'go have a look' says one of them.
Now I'm the sort of person who has a conviction until people question it.
And they have to question it with the utmost conviction back - but when they do, I can't help but be thrown into questioning of my own knowledge.
My regular readers will tell you this is exactly how an absolute minger once managed to talk me into bed - by repeating the words 'You know you want me' so many times that I began to question myself.
"Maybe I DO want her" I thought, "after all, she seemed VERY sure of this fact, maybe I was just confused..."
So it will come as no surprise that I once again made the fatal mistake of believing what another person told me, instead of trusting my instincts and basic knowledge.
"You'll need a plumber" they said.
And off they went.
So I called some plumbers.
Of COURSE this was highly optimistic because we all know the first things plumbers say are things like "*sucking noise through teeth* Nah, can't do it until at least next Monday" which is shit for an emergency plumber, even if I do say so myself. Technically I could probably have them under the Trade Descriptions laws for that one.
Eventually I hit lucky (not literally, I doubt a small dog off an advert would be able to plumb in a washing machine anyway although hitting a small animal may well have made me feel better, however the RSPCA needn't fear as I didn't mean it like that) and rang a number where the people told me roughly how much it was going to be (£50-something per hour (or part of an hour) plus VAT plus parts) and that they had a plumber who could be there in a few hours. Which is slightly better than 'next week maybe' but still would have been a disaster if I hadn't already spotted that the fucking cretins from Comet had unscrewed the cold water pipe on the back slightly, causing cold water to leak all over my fucking kitchen floor.
What a bunch of useless bastards.
Are they in cahoots with the plumber in the area, I wondered?
It's no wonder I have trust issues, I mean, really!
So plumber chap turns up eventually.
And tells me that this isn't the first time he's had to install a washing machine 'because Comet can't be bothered' and confirms my suspicion that yes, I do have a separate stop cock - actually, I have two. So they were lying.
"And they weren't even stiff" said the plumber, referring to the ease of turning, which surprised me because I hadn't touched the bloody things since I moved in over 7 years ago.
The plumber took 14 minutes to install my new washing machine and move the old one to one side.
And that cost me seventy quid.
This does not include the twenty eight quid I'd paid Comet to do the installation and taking away of old one.
So the next day (I thought I should have some 'calming down' time so I didn't do or say anything rash, or be tempted to stab anyone with a ballpoint pen emblazoned with the Comet logo) I walked back to Comet for a refund of the installation charge.
They gave me EIGHT pounds back.
I'd paid just under ONE HUNDRED having the fucking thing supposedly delivered and installed and they said that out of the almost thirty quid I paid them to install my washing machine 'only eight of that is the actual installation charge. The rest is the delivery charge'.
Eight poxy quid.
I ask you!
Bunch of cowboys.
I'm tempted to complain.
I'm tempted to write to Comet head office in a witty manner, as recommended by The 5 O'Clock Show on ITV (I'd write to the 5 O'Clock Show but they've taken it off air now. Boo!), and compose an amusing ditty or limerick to express my utmost annoyance at being ripped off and done over by their arse-bandits of delivery men.
But really. What is the point?
They're only going to tell me that they already gave me a refund.
Without Richard Hammond and Melanie Giedroyc making them look bad on live telly I don't stand a chance in hell of rectifying this or making me feel a bit better.
And they'll say that me having to get out a plumber - even if it WAS at the recommendation of their delivery men - is not anything to do with them.
And I'm annoyed that I've already wasted enough time and effort on them in the first place.
And anyway, my lesbian poetry sticks to the tradition of being 'terrible' and making small children cry in agony.
(The Vogons had nothing on me.)
But let this be a lesson to you all.
Since telling various friends about the incident it's amazing how many have told me that THEY can install washing machines and would happily have done so for me.
(Who knew I socialised with such a pack of dark horses??)
So my advice for any of you who, in future, find themselves in a similar predicament is thus: avoid Comet at all costs and just get your mates to plumb one in for you.
At least you won't be left with a raised toilet seat, a flooded kitchen floor and a hefty hole in your bank account.
And before you ask - no, it is not a case of 'well, at least it's in now' (as all the men say).
It's already leaking.
Why is it, that my old, trusty (and very rusty) washing machine did not leak ONCE in over 10 years until this - and yet I've already had two wet floors since the new one arrived at my door??
And I won't even mention the rust on the flipping drum.
Or else that ballpoint pen is going to be acting as a ventilation shaft in someone's buttock.